Family
by Evanescent Penumbra
Summary: What if Shawn's stressed relationship with his parents went a little deeper than everyone thought? Mentions of child abuse and rape (Not by Henry or Madeleine). No pairings, but Shassie if you really, really squint and turn your head sideways.


**A/N: Just an angsty oneshot involving the Spencer family. Set during 4x10, but not really any spoilers...or huge ones anyways.**

**I've taken a few lines from the episode.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Psych**

**Summary: What is Shawn's stressed relationship with his parents went a little deeper than everyone thought? Mentions of Child Abuse (Not by Henry or Madeleine)**

**Warnings: Mentions of Child abuse, both physical and sexual. Potentially triggering.**

* * *

Shawn tensed when he realized that Juliet was standing behind him. He instantly felt bad about what he had said, but there really was something off with her brother.

"How dare you accuse my brother of murder," The blonde hissed, glaring at the psychic with disgust and anger.

"Jules, I'm not accusing...At this point it's just a strong psychic hunch," Shawn tried to placate, which only seemed to anger the shorter blonde more.

Gus cut in mentioning that she and Lassiter had accused and arrested both of his parents on Christmas, but was thoroughly ignored by the angry blonde.

"But Jules, think about it. Why is he in town? In Santa Barbara?" Couldn't the blonde see that this was all a little too convenient? That her brother just happened to be in town the same week that a soldier was murdered and furthermore he had some kind of pass that allowed him access to a military base.

"That's your theory? Well how 'bout you try this one on for size: you always argue with your father and you hardly even see your mother. Maybe-maybe you just have trouble wrapping your head around the fact that someone might have a healthy, loving relationship with their family." The blonde snapped. There was silence for a moment and then a moment moved onto a minute.

Juliet grew tense as she stared at the suddenly blank face of the man she had been yelling at.

She had never seen his face so apathetic-so jaded before. He looked like a completely different person.

She turned to Gus, only to see the other man's eyes grow in panic.

"Shawn." He said with concern lacing his voice as he grabbed the shorter man's shoulder.

"I've gotta go." The shorter of the two said before turning and walking away. Gus took a step after him, but it was too late because at that moment Shawn started sprinting. He was out of the police station two seconds later.

Gus slouched his shoulders in defeat as he turned to glare at the two detectives.

"What the hell was that about?" Lassiter asked, eyeing the spot where the psychic had been only moments before.

"Do you know the real reason Shawn doesn't get along with his parents?" Gus asked. It didn't sound like a rhetorical question, but Gus was gone after his friend before either of the detectives could answer.

"What do you think he meant by that?" Lassiter asked, swirling himself towards his computer in his chair.

"Nothing good...check his records maybe?" Juliet asked. If it was anything to do with his father she was sure it would show up on his records given that his father was a cop. Maybe even his mother too.

"O'Hara, we don't exactly have reasonable cause to d-"

"I can't find Shawn. And he took my car." Gus interrupted, only sparing a passing glance at the affronted Lassiter.

"Gus, he normally does that." O'Hara said flatly.

"No, this time is different." Gus said. Juliet could feel the panic in the man's voice.

"How?" Lassiter asked, getting tired of not receiving answers.

"Shawn doesn't have my keys." Gus said, holding up the car keys. "He hotwired my car."

"And you're not angry?" Lassiter asked. He noticed the worry on Guster's face, but there was no trace of anger anywhere. Extremely odd considering Gus's love for that car.

"Of course I'm not angry. I can't be angry at him when he's like this. It'll only make things worse." Gus said, pulling out his cell phone and dialing an obviously familiar number.

He slammed his phone on the table when no one picked up.

"Gus, calm down." Juliet urged, pushing the panicked man down into a chair. "You need to tell us what happened or why it's happening." Juliet was starting to get that annoying feeling in her heart that something was seriously wrong.

"I can't tell you. I promised him...but it's in his file. What happened to him." Gus turned away from the detectives as they worked on pulling up Shawn's file on Lassiter's computer.

"His father arrested him?" Juliet asked incredulously. Gus shrugged his shoulders.

"Why is part of his file locked?" Lassiter asked, seeing the gap where a report had been filled out, but the details of the incident were hidden.

"You're Head Detective aren't you?" Gus said. Juliet could tell by the way he wasn't looking at them that Gus wasn't comfortable with showing them this part of Shawn.

Lassiter sighed and typed in the override code. The file immediately sprung up.

"He was kidnapped?" Juliet gasped, remembering how not to long ago Shawn had been kidnapped once again. Maybe that was why he started acting weird after the ice cream truck incident. It must have triggered memories.

"He was ten. That was the hardest time in my life. Two weeks." Gus said, but it was obvious he wasn't planning on continuing.

"Oh my God." Lassiter breathed as he finished reading the file.

"What?" Juliet asked, turning her attention back to the computer screen. As she read her expression changed from curiosity to horror and finally to guilt. "I-I shouldn't have yelled at him."

"Henry was a good cop. He had lots of enemies." Gus said as he stood up.

"Did they ever catch the man?" Lassiter asked, surprised by the anger in his own voice. He never really got along with Spencer, but no one deserved that. Especially a ten year old boy. He'd seen child abuse before, but the injuries listed for Spencer were extreme. Lassiter thought he should be glad Spencer made it out alive.

"No." Gus said shortly, moving to tap an officer on the shoulder so they could track Shawn's cellphone.

"He never got closure?" Juliet asked with concern. She was trying to keep a straight face, but tears were making their way silently down her cheeks. Shawn just seemed so happy all of the time and then to hear that he had been through this...to hear that he was still suffering from PTSD was heartbreaking.

"All he got was a lot of therapy and parents who had no idea what to do with him and ultimately ignored him. They hoped he could fix himself." Gus said, standing behind the nameless cop who was pulling up the GPS on Shawn's cellphone.

"Here it is. It says it's at Psych." The cop said, turning to look at the detectives standing behind him.

"Thanks. You two, follow me." Lassiter ordered as he made his way out of the building and into the cool night air. The drive to Psych was silent. Everyone was absorbed with thought of Shawn and where he might be and more importantly, what he might be doing.

When they arrived in the familiar parking lot all three jumped out of the car and ran to the door. Gus went to unlock the door, but found it unlocked. He ran into the main room and saw Shawn's phone sitting on the table next to a note.

_I'm not that stupid Gus._

"He knew we would track his phone." Gus said, panic growing. He knew that when his friend got like this, he got impulsive. And when Shawn got impulsive, it usually meant that bad things happened to his friend.

"That was actually smart." Lassiter stated flatly, eyeing the phone and note in the psychic's best friend's hands.

"Shawn's not as dumb as he pretends he is." Gus said, but elaborated at the doubtful looks on the detectives faces. "He has an IQ of 178."

He had to hold back a laugh at the utter disbelief on the cops' faces.

"Can you think of anywhere he might be?" Juliet asked softly, still having trouble comprehending all that she had learned about the eccentric psychic in the last few hours.

"Yeah." Gus said, looking as if he'd really rather not say. "Jason's cliff."

"Why there?" Lassiter asked. Jason's cliff was an obscure and very dangerous cliff that seemed to be a very popular spot for drug deals and jumpers. "It's not because he want to commit su-"

"No. No, he tried that alr-" Gus caught himself, but it was too late. He continued before either one of the detectives could bring it up though. "No. It's where he went when he escaped. He always goes there when the thoughts get particularly bad."

Juliet decided to leave the suicide thing alone for the moment and ask something else. "You say that as if he's always thinking about it."

"He is. Shawn...Shawn just has a really good memory. He remembers every single detail. He can hardly sleep."

"It been over 20 years." Lassiter stated warily, fearing what the answer would be.

"I know." Was all Gus said. "Therapist had him on about every sleeping drug known to man, but it still didn't work. She stopped giving him the pills after, well...Anyway we should go." The man walked out of the office and was followed closely by the two cops.

"When did he, you know, try?" Juliet asked, curiosity and concern finally getting the best of her.

"When he was 11." The car spent the rest of the ride in silence as they drove up towards the cliff.

* * *

_Hands. Hands touching, feeling. He smiles, I'm crying. Smack. I stop. I'm a good boy he says. He smiles again. Hands touch._

_I shake. Unzip. Pants come off. There're two of them. A club. I wince. They see, they smirk._

_They turn me over and they shove. It burns, I can't breathe. They're choking me, the club is gone. Something worse. He's inside, I cry. Smack. Good boy, Shawnie. You're a good boy._

_I can't breathe, I gag. His friend. I forgot his friend. One on each side. I gag. They push. Thrust, thrust, thrust. They stop. It's over. But I'm not free._

Shawn gasps for air when he finally escapes the memories. He can feel tears pouring from his eyes, but he can't stop himself.

_"Why can't you be like you used to be, Shawn!? Why can't we have a healthy, loving family like we used to?" Henry shouts, tears coming out of his own eyes. "I love you Shawn. Stop-Stop crying. I'll teach you how to protect yourself."_

Shawn breaks himself out of yet another memory. He almost forgot how easily triggered he was. He hadn't had an episode in almost three months. He hadn't had one this big in over a year.

He heaved out another sigh as he lifted his jeans just high enough to see the long silver scar that ran from his knee to halfway down his calf.

He let his jean leg fall and moved his hand under his shirt and behind his back where he could feel the letters carved into his skin. DB. Derek Blake. The one who did this to him. The one that was still out there.

_"Dad?"_

_"What is it Shawn?"_

_"I-I had a bad dream."_

_"Shawn stop crying. It's been almost two years. Get over it. You have to get over it."_

Shawn scooted closer to the edge of the cliff, feeling the wind shake his legs as they hung over the edge.

_"I can't take it anymore Henry!"_

_"What do you want me to do about it Madeleine!? I'm a cop, not a miracle maker!"_

_"He's hardly our son anymore! The screaming, the drinking, the-the cutting! The nightmares."_

_"He's still our son Mads, he's just...he changed."_

_"And not for the better, Henry. I tried Henry, I really did, but it's been two years and he hasn't improved."_

_"The doctor said it would take time. You can't just leave me with him."_

_"I'm sorry Henry. I'm leaving." Madeleine slammed the door behind her. Shawn screamed._

_"Dad? Where's Mom going?"_

_"Go away, son."_

_"But-"_

_"Leave, Shawn!"_

Shawn felt the tears change into choked, dry sobs.

"Shawn! Shawn where are you!" Shawn's breathing stopped altogether when he heard Gus. And the extra thumping of feet meant that Lassiter and Juliet must be with him.

Shawn felt like crying again when he realized that Juliet and Lassiter must know. They must have found out the secret that he tried so hard to hide from them.

The secret that only Gus, his parents and a few retired police officers knew about. His secret that Derek also knew about. Shawn got up and ran, his fight or flight instincts immediately choosing flight.

_They wanted more, he wanted more. I tried to run, he tied me up. I'm stuck, they share. I'm crying. No more, no more. I hurt and I'm tired, disgusting, dirty, nasty. I should die and I tried. He helped, but I lived. Why can't I just die. I want it to be over, over, over. I'm gross, he makes me suck, I can't spit He chokes me, he doesn't care. I want to bite, but he'll kill me. I tell, he'll kill me. I live in silence, I'll...I'll survive._

Shawn yanked himself out of the memory just in time to trip over a root.

"Spencer." Oh God. Lassiter. Of all people it had to be Lassiter that found him. He curled in on himself, pulling his knees to his chest and ignoring the blood that started pooling onto his pant leg from the new wound in his hand.

There was silence for a moment as Lassiter stood there and watched the man before him start to cave in on himself.

"Out with it already!" Spencer snapped, "I'm not going to fucking break."

"Are you sure about that?" Lassiter asked levelly.

"Can you ever be sure of anything?" Shawn countered, turning to look at the taller detective.

Lassiter moved to kneel so that he was closer to eye level with the psychic.

"I guess not." Lassiter replied, thinking of how he thought for certain that Spencer was just a shallow as he apparently pretended to be. Or how he thought Spencer was a terrible actor, when in reality he was a phenomenal one. Or most importantly, how he thought he hated Spencer, but it turned out it was close to the opposite of that.

* * *

**A/N: So it's short of Shassie if you squint, but that's not really the point. Anyways, to further explain Henry and Madeleine's behavior: they still loved Shawn, but it's really hard to take care of someone who's been through all that if you're somewhat emotionally disconnected already like Henry. I feel like given Shawn's personality, his need for someone to care for him or attention would be amplified and he'd be kind of clingy. He'd want to make sure everyone was out of danger and that he knew where everyone was at all times. I also think his parents would have a hard time caring for him so intensively for a long time, especially since in my mind their marriage was already starting to fall apart, and this happening to Shawn brought them together for awhile, but ultimately led to the end of their ****relationship. I think Henry would sort of blame or see Shawn as the the reason this happened. **

**Anyways, yeah that's it. **


End file.
